The song “Touch of Grey” might sound like an upbeat, almost poppy song with its tinkling music and quicker than your average Deadhead tempo, and it’s certainly a cheerier song than many (it almost sounds like Dire Strait’s “Walk of Life,” doesn’t it?); but it has a very special, very serious place in my heart, and always will.

My dad, a hippie to the core, fell off a building he was working on a couple of years ago. He broke many bones in his body, suffered brain bleeding, and had—and, to a point, still has—to go through extensive physical, occupational, and psychological therapy. The accident was traumatic for my entire family, and it still effects all of our lives significantly today.

I felt especially guilty for the accident because I was the one who applied for the job for my dad on Craigslist after he was laid off. I still feel like it’s at least partly my fault; if I hadn’t found him the job, he would still be his amazingly healthy self today, and my daughter could grow up knowing the same man I did. I have to stop every time I think about that because I start to weep; you see, she’ll never know my dad, my hero, the way I did, because some idiot decided to cut corners.

Anyhow, my dad loves tie dye and hippie music and all kinds of things from times past, so I made sure to buy him a Grateful Dead t-shirt when I was living in San Francisco (years before the accident). He wore, and still wears, it frequently.

One day, while I was on the way up to visit him at the hospital—we tried to go every day, even though it was about a 45 minute drive—while he was still in an induced coma, I was thinking about how much I wish I could have a sign that he would be fine, that he would at least make it. At that point, we had no idea; we were given very grim percentage rates for his “chances” that I refused to even digest.

This song came on, almost immediately after I had the thought. “I will get by,” my dad almost seemed to be singing it himself. “I will survive.”

And he did. And I get that it's supposed to be an ironic breakup song, but between the band, my father's humor, and the shirt I'd bought him, I knew what it meant. And that’s why I’d like to honor that song today. Feel free to enjoy it here.